I know i m going to regret it tmr. Like excuse me its 1am now and I am still not sleeping.its always a song that makes me wan to blog. this time its this one!
出发
真的要丢掉昨天的不快乐
真的要把过去放在角落
必须 往前走
必须 学着让自已成熟
有风有雨的路前面还有
要怎么选择属于我的生活
站在 原地不动
或者 叹息年华易老
出发到另一个新的地方
生命的过程就像一篇故事
记住我曾经那样的为你心动
记住我的梦想我的努力我的真心
出发到另一个新的地方
不能永远抓紧回忆不放
该面对的总要坦然的去面对
不该是我的终究还是要让它自由
I realised our voicebox producing sexy voices are so freaking essential as a pharmacist. The nagging cough has been irritating the hell out of me. I have been avoiding dispensing unless they really need ppl.. and i have no voice to shout life scripts as typist or to do the necessary bossing n chasing of scripts as a FM. 1st day as FM was quite a disaster for me..but haha it was fun in a stressful way. o well. mayb i shld jus pack n pack. tts the only role that does not require talking.
Thursday, July 1
when ur boss actually read ur facebook status and actually respond to it via sms u know u really really cannot anyhow type things/express urself on fb anymore. so i m back here. ha.
prereg has been alright. been blessed w a slow start giving us much time to adjust and now with my preceptor back from her 3 wk honeymoon, i can feel the heat alr.
alot of things happened/happening to my family members recently.. to be specific health problems.. my grandma my cousin my aunt.. although i think i m in capacity as a health care professinal to help sometimes i think i never do enough or sometimes i jus have the selfish mentality or prob jus dun take enough effort to probe n step in to help. i feel frustrated abt how things thing out, yet i dunno its because its beyond me or simply becox i din bother to initiate anything or offer a helping hand n more imptly to be vocal enough to sound out that and point out HEY this is not the way to take care of her! or HEY HOW can u reduce her meds lydat!
i dun have the courage to voice out, what more to face the repercussions of my actions. it sucks to see the adults do the wrong things like kids n here we have to pretend we are the kid n do nothing when obviously sth is wrong.
i shld jus mind my own business n get sleep. 730am tmr. conclusion i m selfish.
prereg has been alright. been blessed w a slow start giving us much time to adjust and now with my preceptor back from her 3 wk honeymoon, i can feel the heat alr.
alot of things happened/happening to my family members recently.. to be specific health problems.. my grandma my cousin my aunt.. although i think i m in capacity as a health care professinal to help sometimes i think i never do enough or sometimes i jus have the selfish mentality or prob jus dun take enough effort to probe n step in to help. i feel frustrated abt how things thing out, yet i dunno its because its beyond me or simply becox i din bother to initiate anything or offer a helping hand n more imptly to be vocal enough to sound out that and point out HEY this is not the way to take care of her! or HEY HOW can u reduce her meds lydat!
i dun have the courage to voice out, what more to face the repercussions of my actions. it sucks to see the adults do the wrong things like kids n here we have to pretend we are the kid n do nothing when obviously sth is wrong.
i shld jus mind my own business n get sleep. 730am tmr. conclusion i m selfish.
Monday, April 12
Vanila Twilight - Owl City
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
Monday, March 1
I like to jog to macritchie on weekends evenings. Jus to catch some fresh air, get some mild n nice evening sun, watch adorable kids playing around n catch their contagious laughter, see ppl running/walking their dogs, hear this old uncle play accordion/squeezebox(took me quite a while to find out the name of the instrument). Just resting by the lake after a jog u could feel at peace and satisfied with yourself. Everything seems so nice n beautiful.
But then somehow this peace can't quite really last in me. before you know it, u're getting frustrated over small things and start to want this n that. Haha.
mayb its just monday. I shall go n nap.
But then somehow this peace can't quite really last in me. before you know it, u're getting frustrated over small things and start to want this n that. Haha.
mayb its just monday. I shall go n nap.
Thursday, January 21
RESILIENCE
I think I am lacking of it. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself for giving up too easily.
Honestly I think my FYP is quite screwed. With only 1/5 objectives fulfilled and 2/5 hanging there and getting inconsistent results for almost a month and 2/5 completely don't have time to do at all. Basically I don't have much solid results to present other than the many repetitive but inconsistent results that I don't even know if I should present. I need a miracle next week.
As some of u all may know, I have 2 sups at astar currently. I have grown quite close to one of my sups, Dr C, and I am really grateful for having him around. He's ubber fatherly, always assuring me that things are alright and he always saying "we will get it!" like after umpteen times of inconclusive results, always chasing me to go home by 7+ and waits for me to pack up to leave tgt, helping me to run many many expts as I run off to school for lessons, tells me about his son and daughter in school, defending me as my the other sup is losing faith and interest in me as I m not producing results.
Yea on the other hand, my the other sup, Dr J, unfortunately, the main boss of the lab has been rather sian of me. From singing praises initially(i guess lady luck was only with me at the beginning) to chasing me for results almost every other day to now saying not very nice remarks, though not in front of me yet.
Dr C told me that Dr J alr started to say things like "这么简单都做不出"and today is worse “我叫别人去做一定很快就做得出来” Ok I am not to the extent of feeling damn sore about it but of cox such remarks doesn't make me feel very good. I am thankful n glad for Dr C for standing by me cox based on so many yrs of exp he has(he's 59 yrs old by the way so no joke!) he feels that it is not as easy as it seems and he himself couldn't get the results as well. And actually Dr J as I have heard is kinda notorious as a demanding boss. I mean i understand that he is also under stressed to perform and that we have different goals in mind. For now, I jus wan to get some decent results for my fyp n write my report like how fking urgently, but his aim is to get the best results for his publications.. I don;t have the whole time in the world to keep perfecting everything and it doesn't help when things keep going wrong somehow.
I so fking want to prove him wrong and that he doesn't need to get someone else to produce the results but at times I am just so tired that I feel like walking out. Being in the lab almost everyday except PHs and sundays, lab-sch-lab-sch routine and no break at all in dec is really no joke. But when I see Dr C still trying so hard himself and also in helping me, I feel rather ashamed of myself for harbouring such thoughts of giving up.
Feeling abit disheartened again today, while walking to mrt from biopolis after work, I asked Dr C. What keeps u going for so many years? doing research like almost your entire life? He said its the sense of satisfaction, the thrill of even solving smallest problems, and of cox when u get recognition, when ur research is so impactful that it puts singapore on the world map as it really made an impact in treatment(he was telling me abt his research in nus last time) and how ppl from ard the world start asking u abt it. I mean like wow. How many ppl out there in their lives can actually make such an impact and when they look back at what they have done in their entire life and be so proud to say that they have made such a great difference and contribution. I wan to be able to do that when I am old too.
Ok la, but for now, I jus want to prove Dr J wrong and complete what I have started and leave that place with dignity. I don't really care if I can't get a gd grade for my FYP anymore. I really need lots of luck. time to sleep. i shall go to the lab at 8 am tmr =X hopefully.
Don't give up everyone!
I think I am lacking of it. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself for giving up too easily.
Honestly I think my FYP is quite screwed. With only 1/5 objectives fulfilled and 2/5 hanging there and getting inconsistent results for almost a month and 2/5 completely don't have time to do at all. Basically I don't have much solid results to present other than the many repetitive but inconsistent results that I don't even know if I should present. I need a miracle next week.
As some of u all may know, I have 2 sups at astar currently. I have grown quite close to one of my sups, Dr C, and I am really grateful for having him around. He's ubber fatherly, always assuring me that things are alright and he always saying "we will get it!" like after umpteen times of inconclusive results, always chasing me to go home by 7+ and waits for me to pack up to leave tgt, helping me to run many many expts as I run off to school for lessons, tells me about his son and daughter in school, defending me as my the other sup is losing faith and interest in me as I m not producing results.
Yea on the other hand, my the other sup, Dr J, unfortunately, the main boss of the lab has been rather sian of me. From singing praises initially(i guess lady luck was only with me at the beginning) to chasing me for results almost every other day to now saying not very nice remarks, though not in front of me yet.
Dr C told me that Dr J alr started to say things like "这么简单都做不出"and today is worse “我叫别人去做一定很快就做得出来” Ok I am not to the extent of feeling damn sore about it but of cox such remarks doesn't make me feel very good. I am thankful n glad for Dr C for standing by me cox based on so many yrs of exp he has(he's 59 yrs old by the way so no joke!) he feels that it is not as easy as it seems and he himself couldn't get the results as well. And actually Dr J as I have heard is kinda notorious as a demanding boss. I mean i understand that he is also under stressed to perform and that we have different goals in mind. For now, I jus wan to get some decent results for my fyp n write my report like how fking urgently, but his aim is to get the best results for his publications.. I don;t have the whole time in the world to keep perfecting everything and it doesn't help when things keep going wrong somehow.
I so fking want to prove him wrong and that he doesn't need to get someone else to produce the results but at times I am just so tired that I feel like walking out. Being in the lab almost everyday except PHs and sundays, lab-sch-lab-sch routine and no break at all in dec is really no joke. But when I see Dr C still trying so hard himself and also in helping me, I feel rather ashamed of myself for harbouring such thoughts of giving up.
Feeling abit disheartened again today, while walking to mrt from biopolis after work, I asked Dr C. What keeps u going for so many years? doing research like almost your entire life? He said its the sense of satisfaction, the thrill of even solving smallest problems, and of cox when u get recognition, when ur research is so impactful that it puts singapore on the world map as it really made an impact in treatment(he was telling me abt his research in nus last time) and how ppl from ard the world start asking u abt it. I mean like wow. How many ppl out there in their lives can actually make such an impact and when they look back at what they have done in their entire life and be so proud to say that they have made such a great difference and contribution. I wan to be able to do that when I am old too.
Ok la, but for now, I jus want to prove Dr J wrong and complete what I have started and leave that place with dignity. I don't really care if I can't get a gd grade for my FYP anymore. I really need lots of luck. time to sleep. i shall go to the lab at 8 am tmr =X hopefully.
Don't give up everyone!
Friday, January 1
Spent the last day of 2009 pigging and restaurant/cafe hopping.. its really nice to have friends whom u can just feel v relaxed/comfortable with.. and chat over coffee/dessert about non-stressful topics. not about career prospects, not abt stressful schwork or grades. its was simply therapeutic i guess =)
I clicked back to view jan 09 archive. Well if 2008 was a dramatic year of realisation, i think 2009 was more of a year of continued discovery, growth and consolidation. Although 2009 had its fair share of highs and lows, but I emerged stronger and smarter.
I realised I had too many thoughts and they are all jumbled up. And I deleted an entire paragraph of the supposed-ly "2009 review." as I didn't know how to further elaborate. I guess maybe somethings are better left unsaid.
2010. certainly a yr of change for me and esp my frens who are graduating. apprehensive as we all are, I believe that all of us will eventually find ourseleves somewhere that we want. I am optimistic. you can too. happy new yr =)
I clicked back to view jan 09 archive. Well if 2008 was a dramatic year of realisation, i think 2009 was more of a year of continued discovery, growth and consolidation. Although 2009 had its fair share of highs and lows, but I emerged stronger and smarter.
I realised I had too many thoughts and they are all jumbled up. And I deleted an entire paragraph of the supposed-ly "2009 review." as I didn't know how to further elaborate. I guess maybe somethings are better left unsaid.
2010. certainly a yr of change for me and esp my frens who are graduating. apprehensive as we all are, I believe that all of us will eventually find ourseleves somewhere that we want. I am optimistic. you can too. happy new yr =)
