Haven blogged for ages� I almost couldn�t recall my blog�s password�hahaha.. here I am slacking my time away.. I am behind my rev timetable for like 1 or 2 days � and I think the situation is gonna get worse.. doubt I can catch up.. sheesh both my brain and my �heart� just refuse to cooperate.. HOW!? I want to do well for this prelim leh.. but after almost one n a half year of struggling has made me very tired n sick n on the verge of giving up le..

You know.. sometimes I really wonder why I never seem to be doing the right thing ever since I come into HC? ItZ because I am lousy? Or am I in the wrong place? Or am I just not fit to be here? I really think my life in hwa chong has really been full of struggles and agony.. somehow I feel that it is here that made my confidence level dropped a lot.. n same goes for my morale.. plunging like mad.. I have never felt so inferior before.. failing this n that.. and not being able to do well in my cca.. like feeling no sense of satisfaction.. no sense of purpose� well this was how terrible I felt some time back..

I think its partly because of my character of wanting to prove myself and be useful (tho in a not very obvious manner).. haaha redundant? Frankly I am not satisfied with just being someone too ordinary.. but I dun really like being in the limelight for too long as well.. shit I dunno wad I talking.. in fact I wanted a more vibrant college life.. but things just dun turn out the way I want� n all these while I have been learning to accept things as it is.. sometimes I feel that I am losing my will or strength to try to find my way out..

I dunno why I am writing all this shit.. again� think its just the exams coming and I am feeling �tortured�.. and I really need an outlet for these negative thoughts.. I must really tell myself to stop whining and go and piAZ..

Hmm physics pract today was fine� hope I can get above 30 hahaha.. so that can help me pass my physics.. I actually finished early for both experiments.. quite rare.. coz I m always the last few ppl to leave the lab durin normal physics pract lesson�

Contemplating whether I shld go and see the air force display tmr.. it would be great to take a break off my study schedule.. but the thing is that I haven really been studying for the past two days�hahaha see how la.. anyway I wasn�t selected a s a potential pilot.. offered alternative post tho( those sit at the control tower n zhuo bo one) haha.. can consider if I do my A levels too badly.. the pay is quite good haha�

Some problems with my mum�s health again� I really hope she will be fine.. Haiz�

HmmZ� k I must xia ding jue xin to fully conc durin this week of break n piA!